Stay gone

March 21, 2006

Hey you! Yes you! You know who you are. Don’t add being dumb to your list of offenses. Anyways…just wanna speak my mind out.

I can’t forget what happened. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I don’t know if I wanted it to start in the first place but no more excuses now. We can’t undo the past…it happened! I was angry at you…furious actually but more at myself for being vulnerable to your charms. I don’t know if we can still be friends…we have nothing in common in the first place except for that “thing” that got hold of us. I don’t wanna call it love. I have so much respect for love to call what happened love. All I want though is for us to respect each other’s space. Stop the hurting and the blaming. We’re both to blame…we didn’t do it right or it wasn’t just meant to be. I’m trying to move on now but I got to admit that it’s not that easy. I can’t escape the memories. It wasn’t all that bad…there were some worth remembering. I know in a while I’ll forget you but I also know that all around me are things that can trigger memories of you. ..the places we used to go…the songs we used to sing…anything. Despite everything that happened…you became a part of my life. I believe everything happens for a reason but till now I’m trying to contemplate what I’m supposed to learn from you…maybe nothing!? I just don’t know what right now.

So what’s the point of all this? I just wanna get this message through somehow. I hate begging but this time I will…won’t you please stay? Please stay…Stay gone! I’m happy where I am right now so stay where you are. Sweet serenity has finally come my way.

 

 

 

changes

 Life is a series of constant change. The flower blooms. The tide ebbs. The sun sets. People walk in and out of our lives. People change. Things are never the same. I find much difficulty in dealing with these changes. I’m too sentimental for my own good. I like to keep remembrances of the past. The first card I got from my best friend. The first rose I received from a boy. And the list goes on and on (and my room looks like an old attic…smells like one too haha!). It really breaks my heart to watch people close to me walk out and disappear from my life. That’s why I really felt blessed when an old friend way back in high school whom I’ve lost touch contacted me again. He contacted me through friendster (thanks friendster…I owe you one). We met recently and the talked flowed like the beer we consumed. It’s funny to remember the past…the high school years…the classmates and the teachers. It’s funny & enlightening to remember who I used to be. I can’t believe that I used to be a bully hehehe Anyways, after that meeting I got to thinking…changing is not synonymous with losing. In a way i never changed.Yup I grew up but that person who I used to be is still very much alive in me. The years just add up. You don’t lose any in exchange for a new one. It’s like a tree with a new layer of ring each year. I’m still the spoiled 3 year old, the 14 year old rebel, the not so sweet 16 and the currently-experiencing-quarter-age-crisis 26 year old. All these persons are alive in each and every one of us. It only takes an old song, a forgotten smile, a smell, a touch, a place to wake up the persons alive in us. It’s really refreshing to realize this coz lately I felt lost within me. I felt like I don’t know myself anymore. That somehow I’ve lost the real essence of me. Thank you mat for letting me realize that I’m still the person I used to be albeit I’m wearing a different guise now.