June 2006
M T W T F S S
« May   Jul »
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  

Disclosure Policy




SiteMeter

Message Board

Indonesia Furniture Handicraft Wholesale Marketplace:

Hello! I only came to appreciate you for your fun and engulfing story. Stories like this are a really awesome way to assist me in English, but I think I got the story ok Thanks again!

hair loss treatment:

nice website..

hosting profesional indonesia yang murah:

blogwalking here

Charlie st Cloud:

keep it up

Charlie st Cloud:

interesting post..

DAM 999 Movie:

Droppin by. sharing upcoming movie “DAM 999″.

Latest Movies Online:

Droppin by here keep it up blogger. :) just sharing my blog about latest movies online.

Mayweather vs Pacquiao:

Mayweather vs Pacquiao Fight, News and Updates

deejames:

hello.. agi lang ko.. hehehe… xlink?

wniizzati:

what dram did u sell? did u sell 3 lea clover WITH eng hardsubbed??
or, do u have the soft sub in any format??
http://dramaonmu.blogspot.com

markus:

what do you know?.. i just borrowed a cassette tape from a work buddy. it’s popsicle! not forever, please dont ask, third opinion.. its all there! i had it as my background music as i prepared for work this morning :)

miah:

hopping here… :)

raine:

@grace:Have a great time…it’s really fun and enlightening at the same time :-)

Grace:

i found the blog when i was searching for bisita iglesia. it would be my first time this year :)

Mai:

hello! Dyu have the lyrics to Histrionics by Popsicle? Can u please email it to me? Pretty please? Thanks!!!

JOB hiring for abroad:

JOB fair for abroad is about to begin. Visit us.
http://localhiring.blogspot.com/

Ceres:

Hi there. Just dropping by. Your dog beds post is cool. I want to get one for my pet.

sweetie:

Hi there.. ilike your site. exlinks
sweethestia.i.ph
mymusic.i.ph

Paradise Philippines:

was surfing the net about heroes when I came across your site. I love the way it looks. so clean.

floraine:

@paradise:an addict actually :)

Leave a message ▼

My struggle to be a non-Catholic

June 16, 2006

Because of that thing that happened that I’m not ready to talk about yet, I decided to once and for all, drum rolls please…quit my faith. Nope I’m not joking. It’s no laughing matter. I’ve thought about this through and through and did some hard core introspecting.

It’s just that I’ve been struggling to be a Catholic since birth and I thought why struggle? I chose to just give up and totally quit. I don’t want to do something just to please anybody or because I’m supposed to. I also don’t want to do something against my will. In fairness I really explored my faith, read books, attended retreats, listened to talks and made an effort to strengthen my relationship with God. I look up to Bo Sanchez and read Kerygma and other publications. I am basically a good person. I “loved one another” and never made an enemy. I sin every now and then and asked for repentance. There are instances in my life that I felt God’s grace. I can be a good preacher if I want to. I can convert a non-believer if I want to. But I still feel empty. There’s something missing. I feel like a fake.But how does one quit their faith? Should I submit a resignation form? I’ve heard of conversions, of people transferring from one religion to another. But I’ve never knew anybody who quit from any religion. Also there’s the question of what do I call myself? Atheist? No because I still believe in the existence of God or some Supreme Being or Source. I surfed the net and came up with Agnosticism. Sounds like Jason and the Argonauts :-D
 

Agnosticism is the philosophical view that the truth values of certain claims—particularly theological claims regarding the existence of God, gods, or deities—are unknown, inherently unknowable, or incoherent, and therefore, (some agnostics may go as far to say) irrelevant to life.


So anyways, I’ll research more on that term but I guess for now it will suffice to say that I am a Catholic no more. However I realized that you cannot quit your faith just like that. It takes a conscious effort to do it. Here are some of my “struggles”, there’s that word again!


8:00 am -I have to restrain myself from making the sign of the cross when I left home. I do it because I’ve been used to doing it. Or maybe to get across my destination safely maybe or for blessings.


8:15 am-Again, I have to restrain myself from bowing every time I pass by some church. I do it to acknowledge the establishment we Catholics deemed as Holy.


4:30 pm- I realized that it’s a Thursday and it’s St. Jude’s day. My officemates and I have completed this 9 day novena to St. Jude a few months ago and we decided to make it a habit to attend mass on Thursdays. So I sent YM messages to my friend and reminded them of our pledge. When I got to the church, I suddenly realized, “What the hell am I doing here?” But since I’m there already I proceeded w/ the mass looked around the people around me and wondered about their faith.

7:00 pm- I was about to go home but when I stepped out of the office I discovered was raining heavily and I forgot my umbrella. I called up the Security Guard and asked him to hail a taxi for me. As I was standing there cold, hungry and impatient I keep on muttering, “Lord sana may taxi na”. I realized that in hopeless situations like these which are beyond our control we tend to ask for some kind of supernatural help. It’s like calling for Superman to save us from whatever danger we are in. I think we do this to avoid accepting defeat and to avoid feeling hopeless.

I realized that Catholicism is deeply ingrained in me that it comes naturally like breathing.
I realized that I’m struggling against struggling and that in my desire to avoid struggling, I struggled some more.
I realized that free will can be both a curse and a blessing.
I realized that like some of the other things that are beyond my control and that I can’t totally fathom, I’ll just laugh this one off and say “whatever”.
I realized that I think too much and that I have this tendency to understand everything and I’ll continue to do so until they cart me off to the nearest asylum.

I realized that sometimes to be a Catholic is to stop being one.


Posted by floraine at 10:23 am | permalink

Previous Comments

i've read somewhere that the greatest sinners are not those atheists who do not believe in the existence of God, but those agnostics who believe that God exists but choose not to make Him relevant.

Posted by ruby at June 16, 2006, 12:18 pm

sorry if i sounded too harsh about my definition of both atheists and agnostics. i respect your choice though. you just caught me off guard.

Posted by ruby at June 16, 2006, 12:31 pm

Scientology is the way to go flo! :P At least you get to go to church( or whatever they call their place of worship) with big stars! weheheh…:D

or maybe you should walk away from it for awhile flo, sometimes we need to walk away from what we consider as big decisions to see the whole picture.

Posted by ano-malia at June 16, 2006, 11:40 pm

pls don't take away the catholic faith and practices, it is your armor and your sword when the enemy is in the midst of you. Most of those who gone astray of the catholic faith are those of little faith.You have to be strong. Your struggle is just temporal, in the end, what you do and what you believed and what you do for the greater glory of God will be acknowledge and will be written in the book of life! Remember, we are from GOd and to God we return..and the only Church built by God is the Catholic Church.. search it, then u'll find it! amen!

Posted by keish at June 26, 2006, 5:47 pm

Add a comment