torpedo

I was actually taking the dare about courting Marvin seriously. I asked the opinions of my male friends and I have their full support. Mga konsentidor! I’ve already prepared an outline of my plan. Read the Art of War again and again for tactics. Prepared a Gantt chart. I was ready for action when a saner part of me (.01%) bitch-slapped me and cried out “Are you out of your mind!? Haven’t you learned anything? Stop making a fool of yourself!” Of course I ignored it and went on with my planning. I tried to recall the techniques of my guy friends and my thoughts involuntarily drifted to those guys who actually courted me. Those poor souls. Those mental patients who deluded themselves into thinking that they actually feel something for me. What were they thinking? I’m still baffled until now. I’m not beautiful inside or out. Maybe somebody dared them too Anyways, as I thought of them, the word KARMA came to mind and it stuck there like glue. I believe in Karma, about reaping what you sow. And that changed my mind about going through with my plan. I know it’s better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all. But I also believe in taking calculated risks. I don’t want to provide opportunity for karma to do its thing. I’m not gonna make it easy on “them”. No-uh!

As I pondered about my past, I realized it’s time to make amends. To the guys who probably till now are regretting why they ever courted me or are probably still cursing me or most probably don’t give a damn anymore.
I want to express my sincerest apologies to the ff (based on my Diary Vol.1-3):

(Gr. 5)     Ronald : For avoiding you like the plague when you gave me my first love letter
(Gr. 6) Alberto : For telling you to “Fuck Off”
(1^st yr HS) Goofy : For not realizing that you were actually courting me
(2^nd- 3^rd Yr HS) Milano : For letting you court me for 2 years and then saying that “I’m not ready” in the end
(4^Th yr HS)-Eduardo : For not taking you seriously
(1^st yr College)- Dexter : For telling you to “Eat Shit!”
(3^rd yr College)-Leo : For telling you to “Break yourself” when you asked me “Should I break or should I fall?”

(5th yr College)-Kibs:For letting Dennis eat the Halo2x
(@Work) Henry- For hating your green braces
(@Present) Mat- For being evasive and not telling you my reasons
To the guys I actually said yes to: For actually saying yes

Looking back I realized that I was rude and mean. No wonder I didn’t have any luck with my relationships. I guess it would take several lifetimes to atone for my sins and work my karma. Maybe I should stop thinking that I’ll find “the one” this lifetime and head off to the nearest nunnery or start collecting cats in preparation for spinsterhood.

So this is how it feels to be on the other side of the fence. This whole exercise taught me that courting is no small feat esp. if feelings are actually involved. It takes guts and courage to actually express your feelings and not knowing if it’ll be returned. I used to hate torpes but now I can actually feel their dilemma but I still hate them though.Here’s some unsolicited advices:

To the Courter - Just say it(letter,sms,phonecall,vandal on the CR door) but make sure of your feelings first and try to get to know the person better.

To the Courtee- Be nice and don’t take advantage. Be honest about your feelings and be open-minded. Turn them down in a tactful way or just do the exact opposite of what I did.