An open letter to an unfeeling brain and an unthinking heart

Dear Brain,

Hello, are you still there? Still with me? Or have you left without notice? Do you control me or do I control you? Are you moody? Or just selective like the memories you chose to keep? You keep on forgetting the formulas but not the smile on his face. You chose to overanalyze philosophy and religion and be dumb on love. Why is it that at times when I need you, you seem to desert me? I feel betrayed you know. You always let Heart win even if you know it’ll do me harm. Yeah I know I shut you off sometimes but don’t take it against me. I was too weak to resist heart. The feelings were just too strong and you gave up the fight so easily. I thought you were stronger or maybe you just don’t care about me. Are you happy with the state we’re in right now? Well I don’t that’s why I wanna hear what you’ve gotta say once and for all. I’m tired of your “I told you so’s”. So tell me, what should I do? How do I keep myself from pain? Have you finished processing the lessons we’re supposed to learn from those heartbreaks? Help me save us. Enlighten me with your wisdom. I know somewhere within.. you stored the thoughts from all the self help craps I fed you. Let’s work together to win over heart. Erase the ghost of the past, all the memories that wound my body and broke my soul. Let’s clean you up. Let’s dust off the cobwebs and allow the sunshine in again. Let’s fill you with yellow, I’m tired of jade. Let’s think of happy thoughts. I’m tired of being dismal and of this eternal gloom. Let’s do it your way. I’ll write Heart.

Dear heart,

Well. . . well look at yourself. Look at the sorry state you’re in right now. You look like a jigsaw puzzle with all your cracks and missing pieces. Let’s fix you up and make you whole. Get used to the slow steady rhythm. It’s better this way. Remember what happened the last time you beat faster? The last time you beat for someone else? Well now please beat for me. I know you miss being in love. But why don’t we try a new kind of love, the loving of oneself? The love that comes from within and grows and when the time comes is ready to branch out and be shared. But now’s not the time. This is the time for rest. For healing and renewal. Please follow brain and take order for once. I’ve listened to you for too long. I didn’t regret a moment of it though. But I’m just tired of mastering the art of breaking you. I trust that we’ll be in good hands with brain.

Always,

me…and what’s left of it