Forever Young

August 7, 2006

Last night as I was combing my hair, I noticed a single strand of white hair. I’ve never been conscious of my age (26) but that single strand really got me too thinking. Then I looked at my face closely on the mirror and I seem to notice lines that weren’t there before. I know it’s all in my mind but I got to imagining how I would look like 10, 20, 30 years from now. I know I’d need a facelift such as the facelift in Toronto. Read that they do a mean facelift there. So I decided I really should take good care of myself and start saving up money for whatever things I might need in the future to ensure that ‘ill stay forever young.Who wouldn’t want to be one?

 

 

Whine not?

I’m experiencing mid life crisis again. Yes, I’ll die by the age of 50. But I keep having one very year. Thus the age of my death increases a notch every year. What am I gonna do with my life? The question that keeps on pestering me ever since I graduated from college. This was my master plan.

Plan A Pursue Law after college, pass the bar and become a full pledge lawyer at the age of 26(my age now) and marry my true love at the age of 28.

What went wrong? Oh the usual financial concern that plagues us marginalized citizen of this 3^rd world country. I need to work to support my studies. But my first job was away from home and when I got back here I found out that they don’t accept working students in the law school I was planning to attend. Enrolling to other schools is not an option.

Plan B Just get a stable job and marry my true love who happens to be a lawyer at the age of 28. What went wrong?

I got the job part but the true love seems bleak in my horizon. Will I actually find one in this lifetime? Oh don’t get me started on that. Also, I hate this stable job because it’s so stable ergo boring. Yup I should be grateful and all but hey I’m human, I’m not supposed to be content w/ what I have. That’s why I’m planning to resign my job and find another one in Cebu or back in Manila by Jan next year. Or find another job here in Davao with opportunities to travel within and outside our country. Or be a DJ. Or be a bum or be a nomad. Or go into real estate business coz i just browsed this site about real estate news. Basta, whatever…i’ve gotten desperate.

  Truth is, I really don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life right now. I’m searching for something but I don’t actually know what it is. A friend suggested that having a boyfriend is the solution. Hell no! That’s not it. I’m actually in love right now…with an non-living thing. Sex? “Sex without passion is porn” (quoted from FS). Drugs? Well that’s a thought… I keep that in mind. I’m not suicidal but I felt like I’ve lost my zeal for life. I just want to get this life over and done with. I’m floating again in this river called life. I’m just trying to find meaning to my meaningless existence. I’m just trying to find something to look forward to each day. Oh don’t give the finding joy in simple things crap. It works for a few minutes every time I see a butterfly flying by but then I get this urge to squash it. Or when a flower blooms and it dies after I pluck it.

Don’t give me a lecture about happiness is just a state of mind, that’s my line. I’m actually happy,see this smiley ->

Don’t take me seriously either coz I’m not.

 Okay I’m half serious.