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Whine not?
August 7, 2006I’m experiencing mid life crisis again. Yes, I’ll die by the age of 50. But I keep having one very year. Thus the age of my death increases a notch every year. What am I gonna do with my life? The question that keeps on pestering me ever since I graduated from college. This was my master plan.
Plan A Pursue Law after college, pass the bar and become a full pledge lawyer at the age of 26(my age now) and marry my true love at the age of 28.
What went wrong? Oh the usual financial concern that plagues us marginalized citizen of this 3rd world country. I need to work to support my studies. But my first job was away from home and when I got back here I found out that they don’t accept working students in the law school I was planning to attend. Enrolling to other schools is not an option.
Plan B Just get a stable job and marry my true love who happens to be a lawyer at the age of 28. What went wrong?
I got the job part but the true love seems bleak in my horizon. Will I actually find one in this lifetime? Oh don’t get me started on that. Also, I hate this stable job because it’s so stable ergo boring. Yup I should be grateful and all but hey I’m human, I’m not supposed to be content w/ what I have. That’s why I’m planning to resign my job and find another one in Cebu or back in Manila by Jan next year. Or find another job here in Davao with opportunities to travel within and outside our country. Or be a DJ. Or be a bum or be a nomad. Or go into real estate business coz i just browsed this site about real estate news. Basta, whatever…i’ve gotten desperate.
Truth is, I really don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life right now. I’m searching for something but I don’t actually know what it is. A friend suggested that having a boyfriend is the solution. Hell no! That’s not it. I’m actually in love right now…with an non-living thing. Sex? “Sex without passion is porn” (quoted from FS). Drugs? Well that’s a thought… I keep that in mind. I’m not suicidal but I felt like I’ve lost my zeal for life. I just want to get this life over and done with. I’m floating again in this river called life. I’m just trying to find meaning to my meaningless existence. I’m just trying to find something to look forward to each day. Oh don’t give the finding joy in simple things crap. It works for a few minutes every time I see a butterfly flying by but then I get this urge to squash it. Or when a flower blooms and it dies after I pluck it.
Don’t give me a lecture about happiness is just a state of mind, that’s my line. I’m actually happy,see this smiley -> 
Don’t take me seriously either coz I’m not.
Okay I’m half serious.
Previous Comments
Oh boy, you're old enough to know exactly what to do 
Follow the dictates of your heart….
You don't think how to ride a wave when your on one…you just RIDE THE HELL OUT OF IT and hope you don't fall in the water and get clobbered under the slipstream.
OR if everything else fails, buy a playstation, play and finish all the Final Fantasy games(including side quests and secret missions) so by the time you finish 'em all, you'd be 50. No more midlife crisis.
Yep, I too am floating in the river of life, but I decided to get a floater(w/ built in drink holder and armrest) some drinks with those little umbrellas on it, a straw hat and sunglasses.
Thats how I ride… 
Beer ta? waheheh
Posted by anomaly at August 8, 2006, 4:11 pm[1] go on jae…whining is fun LOLS
Posted by floraine at August 10, 2006, 12:46 pm[2] yup i know talksmart…i juz can't help but whine sometimes and having an indecisive heart is not much help
[3] Neil, i'm so impressed! For the first time since i met you…you made sense LOLS Joke. Seriously you made sense esp. on the playstation and the beer part.Now i know the secret to your success.you should have posted this comment in your blog instead
Beer+ videoke…go!
I always make sense flo, you just have to sort through the crap I'm sayin' and you'll see what I mean.
Like what they say, things don't happen the way we want them.
Let's not get me started on why they did not on my life.
Posted by jae at August 8, 2006, 11:13 am