the end is the beginning is the end

This is my last day in Internal Audit dep’t. On Monday I’ll be reunited with my IE colleagues under the operations department. I actually feel a little bit sad considering that I’ve been wanting to leave this department ever since I came here last January 23, 2006. My boss actually offered that if I change my mind, she would still have me back. I jokingly told her, I’ll give this new assignment a month and I’ll re-assess. She agreed . . . jokingly, I guess. I actually felt guilty coz I’ve been thinking nothing but negative thoughts about my work but I just don’t find any fulfillment with what I do. Besides I’ve preconditioned my mind to hate her and this job. But mind conditioning or not here are just some things that I really hate about my job as an auditor.

1.B.O.R.I.N.G.

I hate making narrative reports. And I hate looking for fault in others and going through all those documents. I felt like we are digging through other peoples’ garbage. Whoever invented Internal Audit should be shot dead. Have they failed to tell me that this is one form of suicide? Coz I feel like I’m dying a slow and painful death since I got here.

2.I had an identity crisis. I’m Floraine. My boss is ____. I was told that I can’t be called “Flo” anymore. I told her to call me Junior or Jay-r but she refused thus they called me Raine. I am rarely called by that name ‘cept for my online friends coz that’s the name I often use.

3.Audit is not my forte. I felt like I’ve studied French for 5 years and ended up in China where nobody speaks my language and I feel dumb.

4. I’m just not fit to be an auditor. I just don’t have that aloof air. People find me approachable and friendly and my auditees usually become my friends (pineapple incident). I am such a bad example for following company policy. I’m a non conformist. I always come to work late and disregard our dress code. I wear flip flops to work. I abuse the use of the internet. I’m one of the first to break rules as long as I can get away with it . . . and I have gotten away with it so far

In a more positive note, this job actually became a blessing in disguise coz of it I developed a passion for blogging which became an “important” part of my life and which was an instrument to meet some really interesting people. Also, this job made me re-assess my goals. It made me realize what I DON’T want in a job. It made me aware of the dirty politics involved in the corporate world and firmed my resolved not to be a corporate slave forever. I really felt blessed and thankful that the winds shifted in my favor. It was just so weird actually coz last July 6, 2006, I cried in the middle of work to the bewilderment of my officemates. I just can’t bear it anymore. The dreariness of my job, frustration, hopelessness and etc. But later that day, my boss got a call from the manager of the Operations department stating that they need to pool all IEs coz they’re reorganizing. The next day my boss gave me the choice, of course I immediately grabbed the opportunity. Isn’t the timing amazing? Thank you Lord for continuously blessing me despite my wavering faith.

I finally got what I wanted but of course I won’t be content and find new things to bitch about. I want to delete this last but I’m too tired to do it