Whine not?

August 7, 2006

I’m experiencing mid life crisis again. Yes, I’ll die by the age of 50. But I keep having one very year. Thus the age of my death increases a notch every year. What am I gonna do with my life? The question that keeps on pestering me ever since I graduated from college. This was my master plan.

Plan A Pursue Law after college, pass the bar and become a full pledge lawyer at the age of 26(my age now) and marry my true love at the age of 28.

What went wrong? Oh the usual financial concern that plagues us marginalized citizen of this 3^rd world country. I need to work to support my studies. But my first job was away from home and when I got back here I found out that they don’t accept working students in the law school I was planning to attend. Enrolling to other schools is not an option.

Plan B Just get a stable job and marry my true love who happens to be a lawyer at the age of 28. What went wrong?

I got the job part but the true love seems bleak in my horizon. Will I actually find one in this lifetime? Oh don’t get me started on that. Also, I hate this stable job because it’s so stable ergo boring. Yup I should be grateful and all but hey I’m human, I’m not supposed to be content w/ what I have. That’s why I’m planning to resign my job and find another one in Cebu or back in Manila by Jan next year. Or find another job here in Davao with opportunities to travel within and outside our country. Or be a DJ. Or be a bum or be a nomad. Or go into real estate business coz i just browsed this site about real estate news. Basta, whatever…i’ve gotten desperate.

  Truth is, I really don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life right now. I’m searching for something but I don’t actually know what it is. A friend suggested that having a boyfriend is the solution. Hell no! That’s not it. I’m actually in love right now…with an non-living thing. Sex? “Sex without passion is porn” (quoted from FS). Drugs? Well that’s a thought… I keep that in mind. I’m not suicidal but I felt like I’ve lost my zeal for life. I just want to get this life over and done with. I’m floating again in this river called life. I’m just trying to find meaning to my meaningless existence. I’m just trying to find something to look forward to each day. Oh don’t give the finding joy in simple things crap. It works for a few minutes every time I see a butterfly flying by but then I get this urge to squash it. Or when a flower blooms and it dies after I pluck it.

Don’t give me a lecture about happiness is just a state of mind, that’s my line. I’m actually happy,see this smiley ->

Don’t take me seriously either coz I’m not.

 Okay I’m half serious.

August

August 3, 2006

There’s something about August that makes me more introspective. Maybe because for us Filpinos it’s the start of the X’mas season. Or it’s the 8^th month of the year. Or uncanny things usually happen to me during this month. I usually have some kind of crisis during August. August 2005 was a turning point in my life. It was the time when I broke free from walking the thin line between what I deem as right and wrong. It was really one crazy ride. I’m mulling over this comment my sister (who cares about DNA?), Roselle or RJ, made on one of my post.

oh! i miss the girl, too.. the girl with the saner sense of life., no paranoia of the heart life.. wasnt it you who told me that people and circumstances will hurt you inevitably, but they cant and will never own you unless you’ll make them.. ?!! reading this makes me miss the old Flo with the calm and dainty perspective and stories to write and tell..loves yah Flo

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The Devil Wears Prada

August 1, 2006

I just finished reading the novel by Lauren Weisberger, The Devil Wears Prada. And this is the part where I’m supposed to say something about it. Well..mmmm…the book has a nice cover. It’s a nice shade of white and red. It is 365 pages long. It’s written by Lauren Weisberger. Oh crap! I can summarize the plot in one sentence. It is about a wannabe writer (Andy Sachs) who ended up working for a Fashion Editor (Miranda Priestly) in the most prestigious magazine, Runway, in the US and what she thought was a heaven sent job was actually a nightmare straight from hell. The book is a thinly veiled account of the author’s life working as the fashion magazine assistant of Anna Wintour of Vogue. I felt like I was reading a Fashion Magazine, with no pictures when I read the book. I had difficulty picturing the Chanel outfits, Manolos and Jimmy Choos, probably because I have no inkling whatsoever about fashion. What made me bought the book? Because it is a bestseller and stayed for six months on the list. It was supposed to be worth reading but it didn’t meet my expectation. The only part I liked, the part that struck me most was when Andy finally had the guts to tell her boss, Fuck you Miranda Fuck you! It planted some ideas in my head. I imagine my ____ calling me and telling me to do something and I’ll reply, Fuck you ____ Fuck you! Nice! I’m beginning to like the book. (more…)