Home » Archives » 17. October 2006
Closing Cycles
October 17, 2006Last Sunday night when I was cleaning my room and sorting through old stuff, I decided to give away some of it like old books, old collections, clothes and etc. Then I suddenly feel a sudden sense of foreboding so I immediately texted my friend Ruby:
Hi rubs. I was sorting thru my old stuff when I feel this sudden urge to be generous and give away some of it. This is so not me. Do you think I’m dying? Sorry to sound morbid and to be bothering you w/ this but I just feel this need to tell someone about it
Yeah that’s how I really felt. I am one of the most selfish person I’ve ever known. I’m not known even to my own family to give out stuffs esp. old ones. I’m attached to my things. I love holding on to memorabilias, my first grade school ID, my first stationary set is still intact, old pictures, letters, my grade school notebooks and exam papers, medals and ribbons. I love collecting just for the sake of collecting. Stuffs like puzzles, stamps, coins, stickers, books, chocolate wrappers, bookmarks, postcards, newspaper cut-outs of Trivia, youngblood articles, cassette tapes, CDS, VCD, DVD, angel figurines, pooh stuffs and other chuva. That’s why I really feel weird when I began to think of giving out my stuffs. Gawd,I’m questioning even my own motives. So one reason that I can think of is that, I must be dying. I’m not afraid to die but I’ll feel sad if I’ll die hahaha narcissism. Anyways, this train of thought was mercifully cut off when ruby called me up. My ever reliable and sensible friend immediately comforted me and said:
NO Flo, you’re not dying. It might mean that you’re finally growing up and you’re ready to start anew
Her words reminded me of the essay Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho (see below)
I realized that I kept holding on to the past so much, afraid that it’ll elude me. Afraid that those happy and bittersweet memories will be forgotten so I try to keep a tangible part of it.Afraid to lose the lessons.I forgot that one very important part of the past…part of those memories that I can never lose and will never elude me . . . is ME.
