xmas

December 11, 2006

Christmas is always something I look forward to. When I was a kid, I would always feel a sense of elation whenever the calendar hits Ber. I know that gifts, foods, parties, family reunions are on their way. I would always feel a sense of magic as I feel the chilly arctic winds on the air, hear Christmas carols and see those sparkling lights from a distance. But what made me really look forward to Christmas was the gift from Santa Claus. My parents taught me to believe in Santa Claus and I did, hook, line and sinker. Who wouldn’t with everybody in our home corroborating? With my brothers saying that they saw huge foot prints near in the garden and our maid saying that she swept some stardust. I believed till’ I was in Grade 6 and that was when my Kuya Aldrin told me the truth out of spite. I cried when I learned the truth. Still, the next Christmas I pretended that I didn’t know, but it was never the same and I realized that I was only fooling myself so I stopped.
However, as an adult, Christmas is still something I look forward to. But when it comes, it passes like a blur. I keep looking forward to it that I sometimes don’t realize that it has already gone by. Lost in the flurry of activities… of late Christmas shoppings, organizing parties, and planning how to spend the Christmas Bonus. Still the real essence of christmas never fails to make its presence felt although oftentimes it is heavily disguised. You’ll only realize it was there from the glow you feel inside as you recall those moments. For me, it was those moments ..when I grumpily wake up early for the Simbang Gabi. when I grudgingly help my pamangkin wrap his present for their party. when i mischievously help my kuya loot some pulutan from our kitchen. when I unwillingly help my mother in her cooking… and so on and so forth. Family. Unity. Love. Faith.Hope. A sense of hope for something wonderful. A tiny star twinkling amidst the inky black sky. Something heavily anticipated. That something waiting to happen. Even if that something isn’t always what we thought it should be. And even if that something happens everyday but more noticeable during Christmas because we allow ourselves to become aware. That something mostly masked as nothing that makes not just Christmas but everyday of our lives worth looking forward to.

Sometimes we look for meaning on the grandiose that we fail to see magic staring at us from unexpected and sometimes unwanted places.

Happy Holidays Everyone

p.s. there's supposed to be some snow falling in this page…sometimes i can view it…sometimes i don't…can you see it?